One of the prime reasons why a relationship might end abruptly is because one of the partners might suddenly start behaving overly possessively. What is possessiveness? is being possessive bad? being possessive in a relationship is good or bad? Well, what possessiveness in one of the partners exactly means is that they might start outright behaving that they own you in some way or another. They intrude into your personal space without warning and act like it is normal. They will ask about your whereabouts like they have some right over you and will explode if you fail to comply or live up to their expectations in some way.
Feelings of jealousy might pop up frequently because of the individual character or personality problems of one or both of the partners, feelings of insecurity are not uncommon either. These negative emotions might also have their origin in past abuse or trauma suffered by them in their previous relationships or simply toxic parenting, i.e., the way in which they have been brought up in their households have been faulty enough and it has resulted in a severely detrimental effect in their psyche.
It can be rather difficult to be in the relationship when one of the partners starts getting overly possessive and jealous. Mutual respect, trust, and that the love that you have for each other – all these get affected. The guilt trips when the other partner spends a considerable amount of time with their friends, the constant interrogation when the desired, reassuring answer is not received, secretly checking up on their phones – all these are signs of toxic possessiveness and it is best that this personality trait is best got rid of.
If you find yourself, at any point in time, behaving in a possessive manner (be it unknowingly), you can try some of the following tips to stop such behavior and make your partner feel safe and free in your presence, and not caged:
1. Stop bringing up your past:
Yes, your past might not have been very pleasant, and you might have been lied to, cheated, disrespected, and even abused in the past. Your past relationship might have been nothing short of a living nightmare. However, what you need to keep in mind here is that you cannot change your painful past in any way possible, and the one cardinal mistake you must avoid making is bringing up your past and the painful events encompassing your past in your present. To make your present better and beautiful, you need to let go of your past.
Many people are unable to make the most out of their present circumstances, despite everything being positive, simply because they are carrying the past like an unnecessary burden. This might be the reason behind their possessive behavior, why they act the way they do. Let go of this baggage and expect positive things in your present and future in order to actually manifest positivity in your life and relationship.
2. Focus on yourself:
If you get into a relationship, it should not become your entire world but simply a small part of it. You have to work on building your own life, focus on self-growth and self-development. If you focus on improving yourself constantly, you will soon enough, find out that it is the key to change and growth. Work on your hobbies, engage in activities that interest and excite you. Become a better version of yourself than you were a few years ago. Spend time on your own, and devote a certain fraction of your time to your partner, not all of it. Try to learn from your partner, be it literally new skills or any of the life skills. Your partner could actually help you work on yourself and improve as well.
3. Don’t doubt your partner:
If you have a history of abuse and trauma associated with your past relationships, you might feel a sense of paranoia and tension whenever your partner is out of your sight or is spending a considerable amount of time with someone else. You can feel a strong urge to go through their phone and other belongings, or even spy on them, stalk their social media accounts. However, if you want your relationship to be a healthy one that lasts for long, you should avoid such behavior at all costs. Trust yourself and your partner, not blindly, but have enough faith in them as long as you do not see any sign of something going wrong between you two. Open up about your issues with your partner – you will be surprised by how much understanding they can be.
4. Try to be compassionate and empathetic towards one another:
After all, your partner is one of the closest persons you have in your life. The least you could do for them is to be understanding of them and have kindness, compassion, and empathy for them. Try to help them with the issues or problems they might be facing. You know who your partner is, in fact, you knew who they were even before you got into a relationship with them. So do not try to change them in any way, accept them for who they are.
Remember, we all come with some baggage, some incidents from our pasts which we have no control over, something we can never change even if we want to. The best we can do here is to not let our past trauma change us or our behavior. Understanding and accepting our reality and focusing on harvesting positive emotions and healthy relationships with boundaries are the things that will truly make us grow as human beings.